


come brain or shine

by ElasticElla



Category: Leverage
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Zombies, F/F, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-01 22:23:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20265466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElasticElla/pseuds/ElasticElla
Summary: “You call this a latte? I said AB-negative not A-negative you incompetent moron!”…then again perhaps if Parker knew the outcome of the job, she wouldn’t have cared about how many zeros were in the mad scientist’s bank account.





	come brain or shine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Visardist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Visardist/gifts).

> this au seemed fitting for a treat, tags used are at the end \o/
> 
> and all the love to my dearest, who had a v fun conversation with me on merging these two aus

Ever since Haiti, the whole team has been different. Nate had been wary of stealing from this particular mega-evil and mega-rich scientist, but the rest of them did it anyways. Hardison was excited about higher tech defenses, Eliot heard whispers of a new type of martial arts the guards used, and Parker- well she was sold at mega-rich. 

“You call this a latte? I said AB-negative not A-negative you incompetent moron!” 

…then again perhaps if Parker knew the outcome of the job, she wouldn’t have cared about how many zeros were in the mad scientist’s bank account. Honestly, the worst part of being undead isn’t the gross slang, or dangling limbs, or the damn zombie song stuck in her head all the time, or even her fine motor skills deteriorating to a regular living person’s- but dealing with rude customers. 

The man continues with a dramatic huff when she doesn’t respond. “I am _not_ paying for this! I want to speak with your manager!” 

He has a smug smile that would have irritated her human self. Now, Parker only laments that there’s already a corpse decomposing in their garden and even chopped to bits, this man wouldn’t fit. (Eliot had been _livid_ last time there was a second corpse with no where to compost, saying how it was a waste and suburban meat wasn’t good for their very distinctive recipes.)

“I own Zombeans.” 

He snarls, muttering under his breath and finally leaving, allowing the next person to order. Parker nearly sighs as she sees the line is now backed up to the door; it’s gonna be a long day. 

.

The day is beyond long, finally ending with the seven of them chasing a cardinal out of the shop. (Birds act ridiculously around the undead, pecky little bastards. And the one time Parker wants their token human friend around, Nate’s off on official enemy business with Sterling.)

Amy and Eliot were still in the kitchen, the lucky ones. Maggie had gone after it with a flyswatter, and Hardison quickly googled the best way to get rid of an unwanted bird. (Luring them out did not go well given all the baked goods in the shop.) Sophie channeled her inner Disney princess and tried singing to the bird, and Parker simply sat down for the first time all day, watching the chaos unfold. (Speaking of, Chaos was mysteriously nowhere to be found, probably stealing recipes from their competitors.)

So when the cardinal finally deigns to leave, Parker’s half asleep on the counter. She misses stealing things, can barely get away with shoplifting with these undead hands. Eliot’s fighting suffered after the change too, Sophie’s and Hardison’s gifts staying in pristine shape. She tries not to be jealous of the two, even likes this new life they all have together. Especially on the days with their nice regulars, and closing on time, and slip-dancing with Amy across waxed floors. 

“Hey love,” and think of the angel and she appears, even offering food. 

Parker mashes the cupcake into her mouth, saying around it, “’oly shit. In’ble, so good.” 

Amy beams, “For the new braincake line, Eliot and I finished tinkering today.” 

Parker swallows, “You beautiful genius, c’mere.” 

They kiss until Chaos throws a towel at them, appearing now of course since the bird is gone. Hardison starts up a debate about dinner, suggesting Thai. Sophie wants something closer to home, Maggie wants pizza, Eliot just doesn’t want to cook, Amy votes for the leftover leg lasagna, and Chaos doesn’t care as long as some beer is picked up. There’s good-natured bickering, and Parker throws a picnic idea in. It is a rather glorious day outside, and they’ve all been in for too long. 

Somehow the compromise is calzones on the beach, and Parker gets to hold Amy’s hand the whole way there. 

Yes, Parker enjoys her new life very much.

**Author's Note:**

> tag prompts: a fic you haven’t written because a worldbuilding quandary, AU - Coffee Shop But With A Shitty Work Environment, the fic you’ve always wanted an excuse to write, Crack Treated Semi-Seriously


End file.
